Tantrums.

Tantrums have well and truly started. Phoenix has begun throwing tantrums over everything and anything. 

I have been dreading the official start of tantrums since the moment he was born. I've found myself worrying about how bad they will be and how we are going to be able to diffuse them. He would cry and all sorts occasionally and I have been questioning whether or not they had started, for a good few months, but looking back now I know they were not tantrums at all. This is the real thing. 

I've been researching, reading up on all sorts of ways to deal with them. I've spoken to fellow parents who have been through it or are going through it. I've found that everyone is different, and there are a thousand ways to deal with them.

I decided against 'smacking' or leaving them to it. I personally feel that tantrums are a cry out for the child's needs, they are a way of the child expressing their feelings. I find that with Phoenix it's often because he can't express his thoughts, needs and feelings because he is so young, and I know that is frustrating. So I don't think screaming and shouting, smacking/spanking, or leaving him to it is  fair at all, and I feel as if it is in a way 'neglecting' your child for his needs. This is however not me judging those who do use these ways of tantrum dealing. I understand its not always simple and easy to keep your 'cool' whilst your child throws a paddy. It's difficult to remember that they are just as frustrated as you are, and I understand not all of the ways to deal with tantrums work with very parent and child. 

We chose to take a more relaxed approach to tantrums. We found that being calm and speaking softly but assertively is what worked best with us. We often find that taking Phoenix out of the moment is very helpful. We will scoop him up or hold his hand an go and sit down somewhere quiet and I will talk to him like a person, not a baby or as of he is stupid. I will explain to him that mama does not understand what the problem is  and he needs to use his words or show mama what he wants. Sometimes we will take him to our 'quiet spot' and just sit and snuggle, and Phoenix will choose a book for us to read together. This helps to calm us both down and be able to take the frustration away from the situation at hand, after we have read the book we go back to the situation together and resolve it easier than we would have before. 

Often we will turn the tantrum into a game, making it playful. This helps us to forget the moment and becomes a great distraction. Laughter is the best medicine. 

We find that this is the easiest and most efficient way for us to deal with the situation. Especially with Phoenix being such an active and hyperactive child sometimes he needs to be brought out of the situation and be able to have a few moments of peace and calmness. 

Now as great as this technique is, it isn't always what works best with everyone. Sometimes I find myself frustrated and flustered with some of the tantrums. In these moments I need to ask Karl to take over and help because I find myself stressed and to the point that I could 'pull my hair out' or I will leave the room and give myself five minutes to calm down and relax in order to be able to deal with it appropriately without raising my voice at him. 

This isn't the simplest of things to do as me and Karl are two different people and have two different people. Although most of the time we agree and once we have explained our 'theories' to each other we find a happy medium that works for all of us. Sometimes I find that Karl will 'leave him to it' because he takes on the independence of Montessori quite literal. This isn't a regular thing though, thankfully. It's more of a 'last resort' thing when karl struggles with calming him down. 

These are some of a 'mid-tantrum'. The tantrum started because Phoenix didn't understand that he needed to have his nappy changed and get ready for story time/quiet time before bed. 

These are some pictures of our 'quiet time' to dissolve the tantrum. I scooped him up and sat him on my bed, I calmly explained that we needed to get ready for story time so that we can relax before we sleep in order to get a better nights ret and wake up even more refreshed the next day. He grizzled a little bit then said 'hugs' and clambered on to me and we snuggled. After this Phoenix went and chose his book and something to wear for bed. 

Problem solved, tantrum over!